Maybe not a good idea...

Dear Diary,

well last time I've told you about Paris and his "Wine-trip". When he left the fortress while I was sleeping, I was so pissed. Oh really, I just needed some time for me. So I left the fortress. I knew Torin would have a look at me, so I was not really worried.

I can remember everything as if it was yesterday...

'better that I leave...' I thought, 'dunno when I'll return.' See you later
I left the fortress, dunno where to go... just needed time for myself to calm down - alone. I needed to take a walk. A few minutes later I was standing in front of the fortress. The fresh air was good for my mind.
I breathed in deeply and walked a few steps knowing that Torin would watch every single step I did. So I felt myself secure. I could see the lights of Buda down the hills.

I haven't realized that Paris was near. 

Later he told me that his heart dropped as he saw me standing outside the fortress...alone.

I realized that I forgot my jacket, so my arms started trembling very fast.

"Ashlyn!!!!" Paris shouted, "Why are you out here by yourself!"

I walked to a tree and leaned myself at the trunk. I could hear a voice shouting my name... was it Paris? But I couldn‘t see anything.

"Ashlyn" Paris rushed up to me.

I was thinking to myself: 'Next time I need to take my jacket first' 

Then Paris touched my arm. "Honey, why are you out here? By yourself? ALONE???"
I looked at Paris.  "Hey good to see you. Just need to clear my mind."
Paris walked the rest of his way up to me, took me in his arms and just stood there hugging me.

I felt his warm body, his strong arms around myself. A single tear left my eye. 

Paris said: "I'm so sorry, so so sorry to make you worry so." He rested his chin on top of my head. 

I realized that I was not able to find the right words and decided to stay quiet and just hug him back. I guess Paris felt a slight tremble goig through me. 

He said: "Oh baby, please don't cry, please. I don't deserve your tears..."

 
That was too much for me. I whispered: "Of course you do. You deserve everything"
I breathed slowly in and out, calmed down and finally stopped trembling.

Paris meant: "I didn't realize that I was hurting you and making you cry, that was so selfish of me to do. It's just.." He sighed into my hair.

I felt the urge to hug him tighter, said: "Just... know that I was worrying and did everything to comfort you"

 
Later he told me that he was thinking to himself that it was strange how Lucien's ass reaming lecture didn't get to him, but seeing me out here.. He said:  "I know you did. You didn't have to, but you did. Somewhere in part of me, I heard you."
He pulled back, holding my shoulders and looked into my eyes. 

"I can't absolutely promise this won't happen again, but I swear, SWEAR...that I will do my best to make sure I don't get that bad again okay?" Then he pulled me back into the hug. 

I nodded at him. "I‘ll believe what you say."

 
He picked me up in his arms. "I need to get you back to the fortress. It's cold. Your pregnant. Were alone. Anyone could hurt you."

 
I shook my head.  "You know that Torin never sleeps. That was the reason why I left without hesitation."

 
But that was not good enough for him. Still gently repremanding he said: "There are hunters out there. You could have fallen. Hurt yourself." He continued to walk.

I smiled slightly at him. I couldn't hold back my comment. "WHO is worrying now? But thanks anyway." I leaned my cheek on his shoulder.

Then he got to the fortress door with me, took a deep breath. He opened the door, sat me down.

I sighed because I didn't know what he would say now. "Uhm Paris... don‘t... wonder when you enter your room..." When he was sleeping I've just cleaned his room. It looked horrible - with all that empty wine bottles and all those worn clothes. Couldn't help myself.

He was surprised and asked me:  "What happened to my room....?"

 
I coughed. "I‘ve decided to clean up everything. Washed your clothes, removed the bottles ect."
Then I felt a single kick in my belly. "Paris, look at me. I guess it‘s time for me to sleep. Even that the babies are awake now. Look they‘re kicking again."

 
He looked down, a smile at the thought of growing life brightening his face. I could remember that, a few days ago (when we were shopping in Buda), I felt the first kick and Paris was with me. He was the first one who held his hand on my belly. And I saw tears in his eyes. That has touched me. "Yes, Ashlyn...please get your rest, you need it."

 
I smiled at him shocked by the strengh of the babies. "But I have to be sure you‘re okay."

 
He gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I'm sure my room looks beautiful and thank you...and Maddox for understanding."

 
I hugged him once more. "Hun,you‘re always welcome. I‘d do anything for you. For everyone of you."

 
Then he walked towards his room, seemed to be suddenly tired again. "Goodnight Ashlyn."

 
I smiled. "Good night and sweet dreams Paris." I waved at him and walked to my bedroom.  

Then he turned back to me. "I'll be...okay. I'll see you tomorrow. Please go get your sleep." And then he smiled. He finally smiled at me.
"Goodnight dear", he said, "tell those babies of yours that their Uncle Paris loves them." He winked at me, turned back to his room, and stepped in. 

I laughed. "I believe they know." Then I opened the door and walked  inside. I prepared myself for the night. Later I was laying in the king-sized bed, thinking 'I'm happy Paris is back, save and healthy.' I turned my thoughts at Maddox. 'Gods... Darling I miss you so much.'
 
Then I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

But that was not everything... the next day I got sick *sigh*. Next time I'll tell you what happened.