Memories - Part 1

Before I write my first entry, I want to tell you first what has happened in recent weeks. It was a very hard time for me, since Maddox was gone for a very long time. He had to fight many hunters and I have missed him infinitely. Lucien had once mercy on me and flashed me to him. But the rest of the time I had to endure in the fortress.

 
In that time I was plagued by nightmares. Horrible nightmares, in which our enemy, Galen, held Maddox's head in one hand - separated from his body. This dream troubled me every night and I woke up screaming and sweating very often.

 
Since two weeks Maddox is finally back and the dreams have stopped. Fortunately.

 
In the time without Maddox I've been cared very lovingly of Paris, who developed a certain relationship to his wine bottle. I knew how he feels, because it was like I felt. Therefore, I took care of him, as good as it was possible for me. One evening he left the fortress, hiding himself and got drunk up to unconsciousness. Lucien and I have finally found him and brought him back home.

At home I stayed all night with him and cared for him as best I could. I was very much afraid of him. Still, I love him like a brother.
At some point I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up, his bed was empty and Paris was on the floor - again unconscious. I'll never forget that day:

Slowly, I wake up, stretch my body, yawn, open my eyes. I blink a few
times and rub over the eyes. I am terrified.
This is not my bed, not my room - but it’s the room of ... Paris! What happened?

I think back to yesterday, rub my temples, they’re throbbing slightly.
I remember. Lucien and I have found and returned Paris
back to the fortress.

I look beside me ... but he's not there. So he must have woken up. A
slight smile brightens my face. I sit up abruptly, I cringe. My neck
hurts terrible. Carefully, I slid to the edge of the bed, swing the legs outside and on the floor
and get up wavering. First, I need something for the pain, then I'm looking for Paris. I rub
my eyes again, go through the room, stumble on something, look down....

A leg! Startled, I realize: Paris' leg! I look down at him lying on the floor. 

“Oh my God!”
I kneel down beside him, shaking his shoulders. No reaction. I look at his face, see residue dried tears.
Gently I stroke his forehead, his head, his hair. Something wet falling on his face ... a tear. My tears. 

“Paris! Do you hear me?”
No answer. I get up as fast as I can. Fortunately the babies are quiet.
“I’ll get help, I promise.”
I walk through the corridors, seeking anyone who can help me
“Where are you all? I need help.“

And I found help. Danika has helped me to roll him at least on his mattress. The warriors are too heavy for us and more was not possible.

But Paris woke up and left the fortress - again - without my knowing.

I was so scared. So angry. I just needed a few time for me, needed some fresh air. So I've also left the fortress to take a break. In my next post I'll tell you what happened.