Memories - Part 2

Long ago since I wrote my last entry. Sorry for that. We had a few personal problems in our family and that needed everyone's fully attention.

As I said in my last entry, I got sick after my little trip outside.

I opened my eyes slightly, rubbed the fatigue off, blinked and yawned. I touched my belly where the babys were kicking and punching inside. I smiled and whispered:  "good morning, sweets"
Then I remembered the last night, yes it was stupid to leave the fortress
for a walk. But I needed to clear my mind. I thought about Paris 'hope he feels good today' Then I moved out of my bed, walked into the bathroom and took a shower. 

After showering I dried my skin and hair, walked to the closet and took out a dress, panties and a bra. Combed my hair and got dressed. I looked to the face in the mirror and nodded. Thought 'okay I look acceptable'. 

I put on my shoes and left the room. 

I walked through the hallways to the kitchen, opened the fridge, took out bread, cheese and milk. Yes I really needed a coffee and the day could start.

That was what I thought... but...

Hours later

I rubbed my eyes again. "Damn it what happened?" I realized that I was still in the kitchen. 

"Why did I sleep again?"
I held a hand on my forehead. It felt warmer than normal. "Oh no
please not. Not now!"
I stood up, feeling a sudden dizziness, pressed my hand on the wall, breathing deeply in and out whispering to myself:  "ok Ash, you can do it."
Then I moved slowly out of the kitchen through the hallways, always with my hands touching the wall, breathing deeply again thinking it would be better to rest a few minutes. I rubbed with one hand over my face.

In that moment Gwen found me but I didn't saw her - it was not possible. She asked me if I was okay.
I looked up to her, shaking my head, when the dizziness increased "No... not really" I sighed and thought to myself that I had to reach the bedroom.
"guess I‘ve got a flu."
Gwen put my arm over her shoulder. "come, ill take you to your room"
I was so glad and leaned my head on her shoulder. "thank you. But... please... slowly okay?"
Yes, I asked myself why this could happen to me now. Now! When my Maddox was
somewhere outside. Gwen wrapped her wing around me and walked slowly. "okay"
I looked up carefully, Gwen let me pushing my weight on her and slowly we were walking up the stairs.
Suddenly a sudden attack of weakness overcame me, made me tremble. I felt the cold. Gwen stroke my  arms, moving me close to her using her body heat to try and warm me. That felt so comfortable. A moan left my lungs, I could see the door to my bedroom. I asked Gwen: "Why me? Why now?" I felt a single tear running down my cheek. The heat of Gwen warmed my body a little.
She glide her thumb over my cheek. "It will be okay Ash" Then she carried me to my room "Lay down on the bed."
I crawled into the bed, lying down, looked at her. "Thank you you so much for being here."
She smiled at me. "No problem". Then she filled up a bowl with cold water and put a cloth in the water letting it soak up the water.

I really tried to smile at her. "My head feels like it would explode." I felt the cool wetness on my forehead.
Gwen smiled at me.  "Now what would Maddox say if I let that happen?"
"Oh I wish Maddox would be here now. I feel so lonely." My eyes burned while I blinked a few tears away. "He will be back, he loves you more than anything."
"I hope he will be back before the babies are born."
Gwen nodded. "He will."
I grabbed her wrist. "Can you please tell the others that I'm sorry? They have to do the housekeeping alone." Gwen smiled. Now that I'm thinking of that moment I wonder why I was thinking of everyone but me.
"Yes, you will feel better after a long rest. They will be fine. I think me and Olivia can fill in for you. So don't worry."
Then I told her to take care of Paris. He deserved the attention. 

"Maybe Paris can visit me when he returns from where ever he is... but... could you please bring me some Tylenol?"

She stood up, got the Tylenlo from the cabinet (thanks to Maddox. We can comfort a whole city with Tylenol) in the bathroom and gave it to me. I smiled at her.

"Thank you.

Then she left the room. I took the Tylenol, leaning, laid my head on the pillow and tried to rest.

 I turned restlessly over the mattress, sweat running down over my entire body. My head felt heavy, my cheeks were burning. My heartbeat was very fast and I breathed shallow. I fell into a nightmare.

This nightmare was horrible and I wrote down everything. I don't want to write about it again, sorry. It still scares me. So here is a copy: 

My eyelids are fluttering while I dream of my past, of the institute
and McIntosh and what he did to me.
In my dream I see myself how I was before my life changed. Hearing
all those damn voices, making me crazy. The fear, the pain.
I see McIntosh who had told me he wanted to help me. Told me he'd love
me, taking care of me. See myself that I helped him to find immortals to help them - as he told me. But the reality was different. He never wanted to help them. He used me, I was just an instrument.
My dream is changing, I see myself on the hill in front of the
fortress to find the lords. Maybe they can help me to stop the voices. I see myself when someone attacked me with a dagger, feel the shock, closing my eyes. Then I open the eyes only to look into those
beautiful violet iris and that beautiful masculine face. I realize that the voices had stopped bothering me and I enjoy the silence. In my dream I ask the man about his name. 

Maddox. 

What a wonderful name for a wonderful man. He walks away, I follow him. 

The dream is changing again. I see Maddox chained to his bed, screaming, while Reyes pierced his body with a sword. Over and over again. I have to watch him dying - can't help him, cry, shout. Feeling
someone behind me, holding me tight. I remember, it was Paris. Yes I can remember how I felt when Maddox stood in front of me - intact. 

I dream of everything that happened to me and him. The love, the
fear, the anger. Seeing McIntosh dying in front of me scares me 

The dream is changing again. I see Galen with a sword in his hand,
Maddox in front of him. His evil grinning scares me. Then he
raises the sword in the air, pulls Maddox' head back. I see Maddox,
eyes widen. He looks at me and scream, then Galen laughs and cuts Maddox' head off. 

"NO!" I woke up from my dream, screaming. Tears were pouring down my face, gasping and sweating. I realized that it was just a dream - a horrible dream. The dizziness overwhelmed me, I fell back on the pillow.

I was still crying, the dream was so real.

In my next entry I'll continue.